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Bra Shopping...

 
  #2  
Old 04-14-2005, 08:11 PM
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very funny amanda....
 
  #4  
Old 10-26-2005, 05:41 PM
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whatnow?
 
  #6  
Old 11-01-2005, 04:59 PM
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hahaha
 
  #8  
Old 12-08-2005, 02:51 PM
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pardon?
 
  #9  
Old 12-21-2005, 11:15 PM
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??
________
Marriage Advice Forum
 

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  #10  
Old 12-22-2005, 02:55 PM
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?? what?
 
  #11  
Old 01-23-2007, 10:16 PM
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"Two Blonde Men"

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a ****."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and ****."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ***." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with **** all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your *** with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"


Jim C
 
  #12  
Old 01-23-2007, 10:18 PM
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How does one achieve 100% in LIFE?[/b]
[/b]
Begin by noting the following. IF: [/b]
A = 1 [/b]
B = 2
C = 3 [/b]
D = 4
E = 5 [/b]
F = 6 [/b]
G = 7 [/b]
H = 8 [/b]
I = 9 [/b]
J = 10 [/b]
K = 11 [/b]
L = 12 [/b]
M = 13 [/b]
N = 14 [/b]
O = 15 [/b]
P = 16 [/b]
Q = 17 [/b]
R = 18 [/b]
S = 19 [/b]
T = 20 [/b]
U = 21 [/b]
V = 22 [/b]
W = 23 [/b]
X = 24 [/b]
Y = 25 [/b]
Z = 26 [/b]
[/b]
Then: [/b]
H A R D W O R K = [/b]
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98% [/b]
[/b]
Similarly, [/b]
K N O W L E D G E = [/b]
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96% [/b]
[/b]
But interesting (and as you'd expect), [/b]
A T T I T U D E = [/b]
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% ... This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE. [/b]
[/b]
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is [/b]
B U L L S H I T = [/b]
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% [/b]
[/b]
So now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management, [/b]
and [/b]
motivational speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%![/b]


Jim C
 
  #13  
Old 01-23-2007, 10:22 PM
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DON'T LOOK AT THE PICTURE UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THE STORY!
IT’S A CRACKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU MUST READ THE STORYFIRST!!!

Yesterday a mate was having some work done at the Ford dealer. A
woman (could be any woman) came in and asked for a
seven hundred and ten. They all looked at each other, and the
mechanic asked, "What is a seven hundred and ten?" She replied, "You know,
the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new
one. It had always been there." The mechanic gave the woman a piece of
paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took
her over to another car, which had the bonnet up and asked, "Is there a
710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."




Jim C








 
  #14  
Old 01-23-2007, 10:24 PM
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Acceleration











A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.

"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I"ll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said.
"I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"


Jim C
 
  #15  
Old 01-23-2007, 10:28 PM
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Damn women drivers!




This morning on the motorway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Polo with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
Can you believe this?
I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway into my lane, still working on that damn makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, whichknocked the steak and kidney pie out of my otherhand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Stevie and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!


Jim C
 
  #16  
Old 01-23-2007, 10:30 PM
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Designated Decoy

One night, a police officer was staking out a particular rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, everyone left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he was able to start his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test. The results showed a reading of 0.0 The puzzled officer demanded: "how can this be?"
The driver replied: "Because tonight, officer, I'm the designated decoy!"Jim C
 
 
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