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FUNNIES!!! List them ALL here!!!

 
  #1  
Old 01-23-2007, 11:14 PM
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Default FUNNIES!!! List them ALL here!!!

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[/b]
[/b]

Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about[/b] people:[/b]

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the **** is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their **** to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
****ing right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the **** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the ****ing
floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the ****?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever ****ing does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you ****ing McTosser.


Jim C
 
  #2  
Old 01-23-2007, 11:19 PM
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Default RE: FUNNIES!!! List them ALL here!!!


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Who is Jack Schitt?[/b]

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt the fertiliser magnate married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt Inc
In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parent's wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high School dropout. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe
Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable through childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-happens children Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy, with his hew bride, Piza Schitt.
So, if someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them, not only do you know jack, you know his whole family...........

Jim C
 
  #3  
Old 02-03-2007, 03:52 PM
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Default RE: FUNNIES!!! List them ALL here!!!

Or how about this one....
 
  #4  
Old 02-05-2007, 08:59 PM
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Default RE: FUNNIES!!! List them ALL here!!!

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ORIGINAL: racerx82
Or how about this one....
M/T racer mate...........Nopostlol

JC
 
 
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