Guys,
I have been noticing a couple of issue with my XE. The main problem and most important is the wipers. I find them mostly useless in most cases which is worrying. What I mean is that the auto mode is complete garbage.... unless there is a perfect scenario of driving speed and rain intensity they always work too slow and less often too fast. The slow and fast speeds are also terrible, both slow and fast work in a way that wipers work constantly without any pause between wipes. The fast one is just faster swing then the slow but both just continuously wipe. In small rain or slow driving both are way too fast. The min and max adjustment in both the slow and fast do not work at all. I tried adjusting to max and min in both and see no different in speed at all. I find these wipers to be complete garbage.
The second issue is with those green gauges that come on during economy mode and show you your driving style, the greener they are the better on fuel economy. They are supposed to work on economy mode only but I find them to sporadically just start to appear in all modes. Last time it took me a couple days to fix it by turning them off completely (took couple start cycles to clear). Yesterday they came on and stayed on for a while then came off on its own.
Can any of these issues be due to the velocityap tune or is it just the car?

 

Auto wipers and the intermittent wipers are crap. They are too smart for their own good. I wish it was just a simple delay knob for the intermittent and that's it. The auto wiper didn't work so well on my XK either.

I haven't used economy mode enough to comment either way.

 

You should definitely feel the difference between min speed on Auto Wipers and max speed. with my car, there is a significant difference.
You can also disable rain sensing wipers from the gauge cluster screen in "Vehicle Settings". This way, you can choose a certain speed and stick with it.


As for ECO bars that show you some stats, it shows up intermittently because you keep pressing on side button on one of your stalks. That changes what is displayed on the bottom right corner.

 

I agree with your 2 issues and to add to them do you guys hate that Global Open works on our cars but Global Close doesn't even though there is an on/off setting for it?
I like to open all my windows from the remote during the summer and also like to close them if I see rain but you can't close them anymore. The feature just doesn't work anymore like my other Jags do.

I found this pretty silly but I really wish it worked on the XE. I think the F-PAce don't work either. I have to consult my owners manual again for the facts.

 

Hang in there! LOL, don’t let those small annoyances get to you. The correct Owner’s Manual is difficult to access online sometimes, and a drag to read through (when all you really want to do is strap on your XE and GO, babe, GO), but I found some of my explanations and solutions there.

The green ECO screen on the InControl Touch should not be coming on by itself. You should have to flip/swipe through a couple of screen to actually reach it. But if you are talking about the 3 green ECO icons in the lower right corner of your instrument cluster, there is an option in your TFT menu to permanently remove those from your screen.

I think the adjustment settings on the righthand stalk are not for Auto-wiper “speed” but Auto-wiper sensitivity” (as in how many droplets of rain or snow should the wipers’ little sensor window get covered with before it triggers a wipe). I think the sensitivity-control is more dramatic in snow and misty rain conditions than it is for general rain.
But, yes, they are frustrating to finally tweak to a setting you’re comfortable with.

And there is a SECRET control on the XE US version. It's not readily publicized because it varies too much from country to country. In the US version XE, if you have a model with “Keyless Entry”, Global Close is done by holding your finger/hand against the “Lock” door handle---don’t take your finger away, HOLD it there! Two seconds after the security locking is activated, the car will global-close. All four windows, moonroof, and moonroof sunblind.
The explanation why this is done “from the door handle” and not from the key-fob like global-open is argued among the owners.

 

That is going to drive me nuts. How about GLobal Close from the inside then like my other Jags? Can I just hold the lock button inside and it will global close like the other jags do?

I think they don't do global close from the FOB anymore for safety reasons but it shouldn't matter since the XE has the anti pinch in place so it is redundant.

 

Yes it’s a bit awkward. Even for me, and I’ve never had a car with any global activation before now. It may be easier for me to handle because I use the XE door handle all the time to lock my car, so my hand is already there if I decide to trigger global-close. After 25 years of using key fobs, I was happy to exploit the new pleasure of not having to touch my fob anymore for routine entry/exit. (it means no more accumulated lint and hand grime on the fob anymore, like we get on our PS3 game controllers, LOL)

Theories say, the global close & open were intended as a security feature when you’re outside the care, and were initially intended for ALL markets,… but complications with the smartkey and the various zones of security it activates in different markets (in the UK your key activates 3 full types of security---in places like the US it only activates 2 levels of security) caused the key to have to juggle too many separate functions, and global-close quickly had to be dumped onto the keyless door handle…. But I’m not convinced that theories like this are anywhere near to the truth. Only Jaguar knows the actual reasons.

I think someone in the UK mentioned they get global-close from the smartkey fob, but they don’t get global open in any form at all (???). They envy us Americans for having both, even though Jaguar used a slightly oddball way of giving it to us.

 

Thx for the tip on global close. Dealer had showed me how to do it on door handle but I forgot. I had been frustrated recently because it was. It working with the fob.

 

Don't even know what global close is so I will not try as I do not any more items that would annoy me :P

 

It's "sexy", RaffiNJ. It's a convenience designed for the guy whose car obeys him like a pure-breed pet.

On those breezy Summer days, as you slowly exit your vehicle put on your sunglasses with one hand as three lovely gals waltz by in swimsuits, you hold your hand against the door handle (or fob) with the other hand,... and silently every window, sunroof and sunshade close up by themselves, like Q gave it to you to use on your next MI6 mission.

And all the gals see, and say "oooh, he's smooth. What a car!"


...And then the kids jump on the bed and wake you up. "Get up Daddy!" Grrrr.

 

hehe , so how do I operate this cool feature? just hold it against the door handle?

 

You leave your thumb in the same spot which locks the doors for an extra three seconds or so, without otherwise touching the door handle.

 

Regarding the wipers: I think the original questioner does not understand how they are supposed to work. The lines on the stalk (which he refers to as max and min) do not indicate the speed of the wiper sweep - they indicate the interval between sweeps of the wiper when the stalk is at the "intermittent" position. In the two positions above the intermittent position (that is, slow and fast speed) there is no interval between sweeps. A reading of the owner's manual is recommended.

 

I understand what they stand for very well, and as another person already explained here your assumption would be wrong. Speed/interval between sweeps is the same thing depending how you look at it, what you explained is pretty much what every car's wipers work like, except this one. If you read my post again I clearly stated that this setting has no effect on wiper function at all.

 

Hmmm....well, I am glad that you understand how the wipers are supposed to work but your first posting indicated exactly the opposite. I can only go by what you wrote and you wrote: "both slow and fast work in a way that wipers work constantly without any pause between wipes" - well, that is exactly how they are SUPPOSED to work on the slow and fast settings - there is no pause between sweeps. You then wrote: "the min and max adjustment in both the slow and fast do not work at all. I tried adjusting to max and min in both and see no different (sic) in speed at all" . Huh? The min to max adjustment refers only to the length of the pause between the sweeps and only when the column lever is in the intermittent position. If you think the marks on the lever (the bars that range from min to max) refer to the speed of the wiper action, then you do not understand the system.
Of course the problem here may be that I do not understand the way in which you have expressed the problem.
To sum up: there should be no pause between wipes in either the slow or fast positions (and from your description, this is what happens).The min and max settings and every adjustment between these settings only control the length of the pause between the intermittent sweeps - they do not control anything when the column lever is in either the fast or slow position. And that is the correct operation of the wiper system you describe as "garbage". Perhaps a clearer explanation of the problem would help?

 

No—no, wait. Booklaw1, you explained it to ordinarily. The “hehe” in RaffiNJ’s post implies the James Bond elegance is appealing to him, and fits what he’s aiming for.

We’ve included in our modifications of you new XE, an integrated command which at once engages the security screen and seals the exterior skin of the car against microscopic penetrations. Standing beside any one of the doors, as if you’re about to lock the car, instead of touching the concealed pressure-point dimple in the door handle, you instead HOLD your finger or back of your hand against it for several seconds.
You’ll hear the system briefly click to recognize your license to kill, then all four windows and roof components will seal themselves simultaneously as long as you continue to hold your finger to the pressure point. This feature can only be used once each time you leave the vehicle, so you must do it right in one try.

The exact same response can be signaled by holding the LOCK button on your smartkey. A 3-second steady hold, and keep holding until she’s sealed.
Now, DO be conservative about this, 00-Raffin. This feature was intended to preserve your life, NOT to impress the well-endowed women who’ll be smiling when they see how masterfully your car obeys you.”

I get you, RaffiNJ! We’re on the same wavelength, in that same movie. Blofeld and his evil cat were spotted just around the corner. Time for a carnation in my lapel, and Dynamic Mode with paddles, despite Q’s warnings.

 

lol now I am not sure if you are serious or joking !

 

I might have said it wrong but I mean the interval between the wipes..... but you are also wrong with the way they should work. I had a Hyundai before this, an Altima and still have an H3.... all those cars have bigger or smaller intervals between wipes on slow and high setting.... this car does not, it only affects how fast the wipers swing with the Jaguar. With other cars those speeds also affect the length of interval between the wiping.

 

LOL, okay… I should stop the comedy. The second part in here, about the Key fob function, you can ignore. (That only works on the XE that’s made for the UK owners).

The first part about the function on the door handle IS real on our US models. Just as Booklaw1 said, if you hold your thumb or hand against the dimple on the door (for longer than 3 seconds) the door does close up any and all windows and moonroof.

And the last line about how pedestrians notice you doing it, and are impressed? Yes, that is real. It happened to me with a lady only once, so far. But she was wasn’t interested in me---just wanted to know what kind of car this was that closes up by itself.

On the Wipers:
Yes, RaffiNJ, you are correct. The Jaguar XE is the first car I have experienced in a long while that does NOT have “variable speed wipers” that have been part of car technology for so long. Jaguar seems to have traded the “variable” selector for their own (slightly imperfect) auto-wiper “sensitivity” selector.

It definitely doesn’t work with the same purpose as a “variable-speed” wiper from the other cars we’ve lived with. For my rain driving here in the Eastern NY areas, only the two “MIN” settings on the Jaguar sensitivity selector produce any kind of acceptable behavior from the wipers. Any of the “higher” sensitivity settings are just too annoying.
Perhaps in other European climates and weather, these settings become more appropriate.

 

I can not believe these would work any different in European weather, and it is very similar to what we have here..... England has a lot of rain so I imagine this can drive them mad !