1995 XJ6L VDP
I hear a weird noise from driver side rear door when passenger side read door is open.

It sounds like a small motor running. It's kinda intermittent. Sometimes it stays on as long as the door is open. Other times it 'pulses' on and off.

Do I have a Spawn of Lucas in my car?
Should Stephen King have written a book about this?

What the heck is going on!?

Thanks in advance for helping exorcise this Thing.

 

I sometimes hear what sounds like a old style fuel pump when I open the rear door. It's the puddle light trying to come on and it's stops as soon as the light is on. I didn't think both lights would come on when you open a door, but anything is possible with a Jag.

 

I often get a frantic clicking noise when I open that door. And sometimes the coupe light will flicker along in the same frantic pattern. . I don't know what's going on 🤔