So as embarrassing as it, I have a cassette stuck in my player right now, I'm going to assume the player itself is faulty, is there any easy way to manually eject it (ie: without taking apart my entire vehicle).

 

Yes, simply remove the radio trim piece and then remove the radio and dismantle. Or maybe try a small screw driver, wedge it on the cassette and push the eject button. The mentioned will save you from removing the rear bumper and the thingy located under the vehicle that attaches to that do-dad. Good Luck

 

Jesus! A cassette player? What year is your car?

 

It's a 2002 I think, Jag were fond of their cassettes!!
Perhaps it's a good time to consider an upgrade?