So about $2k later I have a working transmission again.
Replaced main seal, torque converter, seals for the pump, TCM (thanks to the lead from jackra_1) pan, and fluid. Programmed the TCM at the dealer and everything seems good to go. The initial rpm “searching” that got me started on this adventure seems to be gone as well.
I honestly think I replaced the pan, gaskets and solenoids correctly. It just wasn’t the only problem. So anyone considering taking on that part of the adventure should not fear.
Whew! After a long journey I think this thread is finally reaching a useful conclusion

Thanks to everyone who chipped in to help!
You people are awesome!

Now on to getting the paint corrected...
This is no longer my daily driver but will be the car I take to the Artmobilia car show this summer. If Covid doesn’t mess that up lol
But that’s another story...