You know how really cold weather is the fastest way to learn whether or not you need a new battery? Well, I learned that's what I needed a couple of weeks ago when we had the coldest weather of the season. The funny thing is what my car did when the battery was on its last legs.

The headlights flashed.
There was a constant buzzing inside the car.
There was a ticking sound, as if the car was counting down to self-destruction.
The windshield wipers started swiping, despite being in the "off" position.
The hazard lights were on.
The dome light flashed light a disco ball.

I swear to God, I thought the car was going to explode! It would have been totally hilarious had I not had to pay to tow the car to the service department and the battery's replacement.

Silly car! :-)

 

Dying batteries usually throw up a host of phantom faults, it sounds like you had the whole phantom in the car!
I take it that the new battery cured everything?

 

You see ... a man would be a bit less sanguine about it.

 

Your car is possessed! You're in need of auto-exorcism..ha...ha...ha...

Yes, we see a lot of strange symptoms resulting from low batteries. Not sure how Jaguar managed to build all that bad behavior into these cars, I've never seen or heard an other model doing similar things.

Good luck, hope the new battery solved all those problems.

Albert

 

LOL, I have heard of funny things about weak batteries too

 

Mr Lucas would smile and nod.

Tom