Act 1 Scene 1
At the showroom

The Bard
My good fellow, why doth thou ignorest me?
Salesman
A thousand pardons my good fellow, I thoughtest that thou wast another hoof kicker.
(Aside...we get a lot of those in here)
The Bard
My great rival Bacon hast a Porsche Carriage bought and I wish to exceed him.
Salesman
Oh that will be easy we have many types of carriages here for thou to choose from.
(Aside...though basically they are all the same)
The Bard
I can see'est this, why so many?
Salesman
Well first I shall name them for you ( if thou hast the time).
Coupé
R-Dynamic Coupé
400 Sport Coupé
R Coupé
SVR Coupé
Convertible
R-Dynamic Convertible
400 Sport Convertible
R-Convertible
SVR Convertible
The Bard
And pray tell, which will my rivals carriage exceed?
Salesman
Well dost thou rival have rear hoof drive or four hoof drive?
The Bard
I knowest not. I just wish to outsmart him.
Salesman
Then mayest I suggest that one consults the online configurator and savest me a lot of bother?
The Bard
I would but here in Stratford we havest only dial up. It would taketh me too long to go through all the options.
Salesman
Well 'tis now my lunch break and the people in the Castle at Bromwich only worketh a five day week. So perhaps a
Porsche carriage will be better for you Sire?
The Bard
Methinks though hast spoken well. A Porsche Carriage it shall be.
Exeunt.

 

And after trying to get his dog out of his new F-type...

Out, Out, damned Spot!

 

Other than spelling Shakespeare wrong, this is brilliant!

 

Yes sorry iPad changed spelling and I didn't notice.

 

Not to worry, happens all the timeth. Well done!

 

so ............. is this a farce, comedy or tragedy

 

All three? Did I guess right?

 

Too funny- thanks for starting my day off with a chuckle.

 

well done sir, well done

 

Very enjoyable! Thank you.

 

My High school English teacher is spinning in her grave, with laughter. She would have loved this, as do I . Well done sir, and likely all too true!!

 

I feel like an ignorant savage.

 

Not to worry. Your level of sophistication increases the more you sit in your JAAAAG.

 

Actually the level of ignorance is only warranted by the view of the individual. From the standpoint of the "Savage", the interloper is rather ignorant if having stumbled into their domain and been captured and been placed in a boiling pot(?), that would make said interloper rather ignorant wouldn't you say?? One case scenario......
You just had to interject that didn't you D.A. (still on 1st cup of coffee.....).

 

Yes, but her spinning might have a lot to do with the dog's breakfast of grammatical mistakes in this funny story. A primer of Elizabethan English would have been useful. Pedantic, I know.

 

Lol.. that was funny;

"No Jag owner is entirely trustworthy, but it's in a really nice, likeable way."

 

Me: " I'm looking for a Book by Shakespeare"

Librarian: "Which one"?

Me: "William"

 

On entering the Stables, Shakespeare will have to approach the maiden sat near the door to request an appointment with the Salesman.

Noting that the paperwork is particularly arduous, the maiden informs Shakespeare that an appointment is available in two months.

On returning to the stables 2 months hence, Shakespeare is met by two well set fellows who carry him to a nearby fire that he might be warmed. They seem particularly keen to see that his feet are not merely warm, but "toasty".

After some time - during which the two well set fellows ensure that Shakespeare's feet are not only warm enough, but that he is unable to leave - the Salesman arrives.

With the assistance of the two well set fellows, the Salesman ensures that Shakespeare's feet get even warmer, and that Shakespeare is keen to give the Salesman whatever his money belt contains.

The Salesman then allows Shakespeare to depart, with a Promissary Note to the effect that at some point in the future the well set fellows will deliver a horse to Shakespeare's home and make sure he is happy with what has been delivered. Some robust "hail fellow, well met" moments may then ensue before Shakespeare signs a statement to that effect.

The well set fellows then depart, having made it clear to Shakespeare that they will return as soon as they hear of him voicing any doubts about the wisdom of his purchase.

 

I suspect - although I could be wrong - that there is NO other Forum, anywhere, engaged with a smiliar thread.

P.S. I would LOVE to see a Sherlockian twist on this too!

 

It's good, then, that you just volunteered to write one.