I wish I could claim this one.

The Night Before Christmas, as modified by Jack McGahey


'Twas the night before Christmas and out in the shed
Sat a tired old Triumph, its battery dead.

Its fenders were rusted, the floorpan had holes
The seats and the carpets had been eaten by voles.

The tires had dry-rot, the gas tank was leaking
A turn of the wheel sent tie rods a-creaking.

So I put on my coat with a weight on my heart,
And went out to the shed to get it to start.

The engine turned over--there arose such a clatter!
I knew from the sound it was timing chain chatter.

From under the dashboard there came a bright flash:
The wiring harness had just turned to ash!

"I've had it with Triumphs!" I finally swore
"Enough is too much! I can't take any more!"

When what to my red, teary eyes should appear
But a little Englishman (hey, I might need a beer!)

"Good Day," I heard, as he tapped my shoulder.
"I’m Joe Lucas” he said as the car continued to smolder.

"This one can be saved; there's no reason to grieve.
All you need is some faith--Man, you’ve got to believe!

"A hammer! Some duct tape! Get me more tools!
When you work on these cars, just make up the rules!
We'll get her cranked over - no way that she'll stall
(But stand over there with your back to the wall.)"

A cough and a sputter, the cacophony stunning--
I couldn't believe it! The damn thing was running!

The ghost winked at me and said, kicking a tire,
"Whatever you do, DO NOT TOUCH THIS WIRE!"

The old man then vanished amid sneezes and farts
But when the smoke cleared he had left me some parts.

So I opened the shed door and let the top down
Put pedal to metal and went out on the town.

And I thought to myself as I missed second gear
Merry Christmas to All and a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

Forwarding this to my father, the owner of several Triumphs in his lifetime....

 

Merry Christmas