Well, the wife and I took a trip to Aruba a few weeks ago and it was a nice time for sure. We get back and everything is dandy... dogs are well, house is fine, weather at home is actually record warmth for December.
...... and I eventually check the Jag.......
The nice little ! error light on the CTEK was illuminated. I hadn't driven the thing for a week or two before we left, and we got back a week ago. DAMMIT!

Anyway, no lights, no unlock, no anything. Drug out the Schumacher charger and hook it up underneath. A whopping 2.45 volts! Oh, yay. I tried the RECON mode, it ran for 20 hours and came out with another error and now 2.05 volts. Well, ****. Put the charger to 200 amps to open the boot and not a sound, not a light. Not any anything. Crap again. That rules out using an actual 'jump' from a different vehicle also.
So I grab the only working key blade I have.... and nothing. Grab the only other key blade I have, and nothing. What a glorious day!

Yes, I know all the steps to do and all that, it's just hard to do anything because my left hand is only like 25% capable of anything. I'll force it. One thing I did know about is stupidly using a Sam's Club DURACELL battery, but I got it for free so I figured it'd last awhile. Guess not.

So, now I have to get out my lock pick set to open the boot (not hard, not super easy, especially with only 1-1/4 hands) to get rid of that worthless crap battery. Since it's winter, I mostly use my F250 anyway, so not a big deal.
Oh, and I lost my main smart key about three months ago, so I had to order a couple more. Maybe if I get this battery situation rectified I can again have two (three) working smart keys. Now I just have to figure out WTH with the key blades. Maybe my 'good' key is in the lost smart key. Typical. I still have the key code, so I can have a blank cut somewhere if necessary. I make my own blanks out of brass bar stock so they are easier to cut than those frikkin' adamantium blanks that are everywhere.
Anyway, I do take donations, so if anyone is feeling generous............

 

well, thanks for the post...things were getting pretty slow here. Hope my Sam's Battery does better.
Have a good holiday!
wj

 

If your battery is toast can you stick 12V from a boost pack into that aux connection behind the rear seat fuse box? that should be enough to wake up the ecu to get the boot open - well obv you need to open the door first

 

You lost me on:
“So I grab the only working key blade I have.... and nothing. Grab the only other key blade I have, and nothing.”
So the formerly working key blade stopped working? Don’t see how that’s possible. Does the blade turn in the lock? Maybe inserted too far, or not quite enough?
Maybe you got hit with a freak lightning strike that fried the battery and fused the door locks?
Whatever, sure sounds like it sucks. Good luck.
Happy Holidays?

 

I've had one working key blade, the other key has one that is only good to hook onto a key ring or whatever, and the other one was destroyed by an incompetent locksmith. So three blades and a destroyed thing, but since I lost a smart key with an unknown blade, I hoped that one of the remainders would be the 'good' one. Guess not. I really gotta work that out and have working ones only. Probably I have a couple blanks somewhere also.

 

What's weird is yer 200 Amp charger is not overcoming the dead battery - what is the current draw when the charger is connected?

 

If the battery is internally shorted, there is no way to introduce 12 volts to the later-attached electronics as the shorted battery messes everything up. There is no current draw shown as the charger goes immediately into RECONDITION mode on all settings except 200 Amp. On the 200 amp JUMP setting, it displays "START" and no amperage.

 

Yeah, that's the caveat. If I had a way to open the door, I'd open the boot instead.
I'll get there though, one way or another.

 

OK...

might **** off a few people but..


Have NEVER been in a Walmart or Sams or etc...

Buying off brand batteries and tires are not worth the risk to save a buck or two..


There..I said it...



MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

 

Hmm, so the charger is a smart charger - maybe it's sensing the battery is dead and refuses to apply voltage. Maybe using another battery to jump the dead battery will work. Jump from yer truck?

 

Get a volt meter and check for a short from ground to 12V, check the resistance
it's weird for a battery to implode like this all of a sudden

 

How old was your battery? 3 years is usually the max life for our batteries. There is no warning…. they just crap out. Mine did 2 weeks ago after 4 years. I was pushing it.

 

The battery is still pushing out 2 volts, I don't want to fry a meter trying to check ohms.

 

Right about two years, it's the replacement of another Sam's Club Duracell that also went bad at about the one year mark. My old F150 went through three Duracells in two years from Sam's a several years ago, I should have known better.

 

Only three automotive battery manufacturers remain in North America: Clarios (formerly Johnson Controls), Exide, and East Penn/Deka. Between them, they manufacture all of the major-branded batteries sold here, including Interstate, DieHard, Duralast, The Legend, Optima, Odyssey, Duracell, ACDelco, Motorcraft, Mopar, AAA, Honda, Toyota, SuperStart, AutoCraft, Bosch (their AGMs are made by Exide), and many more. The Walmart EverStart batteries have historically been made by Johnson Controls and Exide. You may never have purchased a battery at Walmart or Sam's Club, but you have almost certainly purchased a battery made by the same manufacturer.

Merry Christmas,

Don

 

That's not the way it works.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

 

Very odd for a complete internal lead acid battery short. Try an old fashioned non-smart charger or jump from a good battery to get enough voltage to unlock the boot/trunk. The terminal under the rear wing would present the most direct connection to your cars battery. If jumping from a battery I would take precautions in case it really is shorted to limit the current or immediately disconnect.

 

I doubt your battery is shorted out if it was you would have bigger things to worry about, to put your mind at ease assuming you have access to the battery itself try disconnecting the terminals and check the main fuse and see if it's ok.
Batteries should last way longer than 3 years too unless they are put together by bob down some alleyway. I would think 7 years or so is more reasonable. The battery on my Jag was replaced new around that time and it's still good. I was in Thailand in November for 3 weeks and left the Jag unattended on my driveway I was concerned that the battery would pack in but to my surprise it started on the button when I returned home.

 

well my duracell wet was low on capacity after one year of usage in Jag xk150, replaced with agm and hoping...my Mazda has a a duracell wet, installed 8 years ago and still going strong. The Mazda is pre-computer everything.
Merry Christmas

wj

 

There's no reason for batteries to pack in at such short duration, you either have a duff battery or parasitic drain on the battery itself. The Jag is old but still has complex electrics but it should still hold charge, I've already shown my XKR-S started fine after 3 weeks sitting idle and the weather was pretty cold in November in England.
I'm staying inside for a few weeks for Christmas as I'm not working till the 8th of January and have the battery charger connected at the moment there's no excuses really not to keep it topped up in this weather