Long story short, I disconnected the battery and closed the trunk!!!!
Goddamn Jaguars must be the only car that doesn't have a key lock on the trunk!

How the hell do I get into the trunk to connect the battery?????
I have folding seats but they release from the trunk. I don't have ski pass.

I feel like the biggest idiot and super hopeless.

PLEASE tell me how to get in the trunk through the cabin or otherwise?

 

Insert the key in the keyhole under the letter 'U' in Jaguar on the trunk lid. Turn the key.
Voila.
Apologize to Jaguar for swearing.

 

I could have sworn I looked under the chrome trim where thye button is. All I saw was screws. No holes to insert the key???

 

Look harder. It's there - it might be black and covered with a little dirt since they don't get much use, and the key is so small and skinney. But it is exactly where Mikey said it is.....

Or did you find it?

Here's a thread with pictures if that helps: https://www.jaguarforums.com/forum/s...ad-help-63273/

Double apologize to Jaguar for swearing and not searching.

 

Will have a look as soon as I get home tonight...

EDIT:
does it matter that mine is an early model?

 

I'm pretty sure they are the same - earlier versions vs. 2003+ redesign for the key hole location.

Maybe someone with an early model will chime in.

 

It'll be there.

If it's been unused so long it is possible it won't work in which case you can put a power feed somewhere (alternator/etc) or get the back seat down or out.

 

Here's the page from the 2002 handbook.
The 2000 book had the same description but the picture wouldn't show up for me.

 

Thanks guys!

Boy do I feel like an idiot...

 

No worries, we all feel like idiots from time to time. And one thing is for sure - you'll never forget the information you learned on this little escapade....