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I hope this thread catches on and does not get sent to the Siberia of off-topic. As many, if not all of us are cooped up and unable to exercise our cars, thus restricting the number of repairs and fixes needed, I thought we could amuse ourselves by confessing our most embarrassing XJS repair and maintenance blunders.
I will bravely start; many years ago when we first bought our lovely car, I was fiddling about doing something or other under the bonnet, and flicked off the A bank throttle rod to give me some more much-needed access.
Anyway, that job done, off we went. The car seemed to tick over wonderfully, but although it was going OK, it seemed a bit of a gutless wonder compared with normal. After a bit i stopped to look under the bonnet, and could not see anything amiss. Then suddenly I saw it, no throttle rod attached to the a bank mechanism! Click, and off we went!
Bet you all can't top this one...
I was cleaning and polishing under the hood, checking fluids, nothing special but just having a bonding experience with my XJS. One of the things I did which didn't really need to be done was to add windshield washing fluid. Trouble is... I added it to the brake master cylinder reservoir by mistake! In defense of my ignorance, though, I had recently bought the car, the master cylinder reservoir looked just like the windshield washer reservoir on my previous car (a BMW 328) and was in the same location, and there were no stickers on my XJS master cylinder reservoir.
About 4 hours after I added the windshield washing fluid, I was reading the manual and discovered my mistake. Of course my dumb mistake necessitated a complete drain and replacement of the brake fluid, some colorful additions to my vocabulary, and the purchase of decals/stickers for my master cylinder. But oh Lordy, did I feel stupid.
1) The HE, oil change, simple, oof course, until daughter brings home another "boyfriend", that looks as silly as the last one, interruptions. Left the oil cap off, and after 10 minutes the next day, I needed a week to clean it all up.
2) Did NOT listen to myself (CLEAN THE V). PreHE, changed the sparkers. Simple again, and it ran SWEET, but a small "knock, knock, knock" from the internals. OOPS. Pissed off, I gave it a rev, and the noise went, AHA, sorted, beer o'clock. A week later, spouse complains of a rattle under the car, and the LH front muffler had the rattlies, swapped it out, cut open the old one, and a 5/16 serrated Jaguar washer fell out. Found the knock.
3) HE, daughter again, damn that girl, forgot to plug the TPS into the loom. Drove off, like Greg, more sluggish than an air cooled VW. Replugged, and away we went. Thats how I know they will run without the TPS plugged in.
4) The other PreHE. Forgot to tighten the front pulley BIG bolt. That was a hell of a knock, and bigend bearing failure flashed before the eyes.
Excellent idea for a thread. I already admitted to this somewhere- though I can't find it now. This past week I was doing the "simple" water pump change on wife's toy. Got fan off, then the fan hub, the went after the pump bolts themselves carefully marking down the different lengths' locations. Except for that one down by the crank pulley. I couldn't see or feel a head so I AssUMed it was broke off (not sure why now) and that the pump would slide forward off the stud. Got to that point and started prying very gently.... and then more and more... then, ping! Off comes the right side cover. My mind went to EUR£*~^}Jaguar!!!!!! I already have a new one so Get Out of my Way! Well, as most of you know it's a Phillips head screw. And it came out very easily. As I sat in front of the TV later pondering this . It occurred to me to check the parts houses. Sure enough! That screw is correct. Damn me!
The first thing I tackled was a leaky oil pressure sender. Got a set of crows foot wrenches, spied the nut down below, got a grip and started twisting. Unfortunately, someone had been there before and failed..they'd snapped of the supporting pedestal. When I put a twist on it I snapped off the oil lines to the pedestal. Nice start. Got a used set with a pedestal, flushed out the lines and got on with replacing the whole thing..as a first job on a car I had no clue about. Funny thing though, when I took out the damaged parts, I put the pedestal in a vise, put a 2' bar on the nut and it still wouldn't budge.
Ok, here's 'one' of mine... after having read one the Greg's or Grants advice threads on resolving a low rpm issue and general smooth running, I got to work cleaning the throttle bodies and butterflies carefully taking off the air filters/covers and setting them aside, after a good cleaning I started to re-assemble and couldn't wait to go for a quick run to test. As I was backing out of the garage I thought the car was quite noisy, but none the less off I went. I thought yeah, it's made quite a difference, a little more nippy and smooth and I really like the throaty sound as well. Got back to the garage and as the garage door was going up (I have a habit of driving in as it's still on its way up as the XJS is so low ), well, as I'm waiting I could see my work bench at the back of the garage come in to sight all lit up bright with my led lighting in there.... sat on the bench was one of the air filter/covers smiling away at me.... whoops, no wonder it was throaty!
I have too many blunders to choose from. I'm trying to pare down the list. It would normally be a contest between drilling a hole through my trunk lid (XJ6) or setting a car on fire (Ferrari) . But since neither of those are XJS-related I'll spare everyone the details
When I first got my xjs I had to replace my convertible pistons so I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and replace the convertible pump front seal. Mine wasn't leaking, but still it was old. I bought a new one and pulled out the old one figuring I'd remember which way it went back in! Needless to say like an idiot I put the new one in backwards! Of course when I went to try it, it leaked! So I tore it back apart and pulled the new seal out and of course damaged it🤬 I looked at the old one and thought "well it wasn't leaking and looks fine" so I put it back in! Of course it started leaking a little too! Argh! Determined not to tell the wife that I screwed up, I rode it with a slight leak all summer, then after topping up the reservoir a couple of times decided to bite the bullet and buy another one. I put this one in the right way so hopefully it lasts! On the plus side, I know how to get to the pump fairly easily lol
When I first got my xjs I had to replace my convertible pistons so I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and replace the convertible pump front seal. Mine wasn't leaking, but still it was old. I bought a new one and pulled out the old one figuring I'd remember which way it went back in! Needless to say like an idiot I put the new one in backwards! Of course when I went to try it, it leaked! So I tore it back apart and pulled the new seal out and of course damaged it🤬 I looked at the old one and thought "well it wasn't leaking and looks fine" so I put it back in! Of course it started leaking a little too! Argh! Determined not to tell the wife that I screwed up, I rode it with a slight leak all summer, then after topping up the reservoir a couple of times decided to bite the bullet and buy another one. I put this one in the right way so hopefully it lasts! On the plus side, I know how to get to the pump fairly easily lol
memory, gotta luv that sucker.
Remindsed me of af a HUGE one I made waaaaay back.
Replaced the fuel pump on the 1985 HE, simple, of course it is.
Large spade is +ve, Small spade is -ve, as it should be. Even got a + and a - cast into the plastic end section.
New pump, large spade went to large spade, and so on. Pump went "whir", car would NOT fire. MMM, what else have I done, nothing, pump and filter, thats it. Checked the filter, correct orientation, pump still whirred, BUT then the BIG light in the brain flickered, the filter was empty, OOPS.
Off with the pump, looking, beer, looking, beer, etc, and then a BIGGER light appeared.
The NEW pump had the +ve as the SMALL spade, and the -ve as the LARGE spade, BUGGA. 2 terminals swapped, fired straight up.
This is still an issue today, so if you are swapping an External EFI pump, take pictures, and look carefully. The pump will whir either way, but only pump fuel the correct way.
And now another one from me - senior moment edition:
I am in the process of deciding how to rebuild my DANA differential. Stage 1 is to remove the LSD unit from the casing. Following U tube advice I built myself a stretcher, as in my case the unit (which is an interference fit) could not be levered out. Photo herewith of the casing and stretcher after I had removed the lSD unit. (There are two 1/2 inch diameter unthreaded holes in the casing each side which the two short bolts on each bit of bar go into, to pull the centre of the casing apart a few thou:
Notice the bits of tube welded onto the bar, so the nuts can push the two bits of bar apart? Well I was just congratulating myself on a nice welding job when I noticed that on the second piece of bar, I had welded the last bit of tube on the wrong side!
this James Bond consul panel makes wiring interesting, if nothing else, engine start button 25yrs ago!
greg you bad boy!!!!lol.
i'd list mine but cannot remember ALL of them, starting 1953 i had a perfect 1935 Ford 3 window coupe, V8, NO rust perfect Black paint, RUMBLE seat !
ran great, but didnt know you gotta check oil level regularly!
one day driving merrily along, its began to slow down , so i just stepped on the gas harder, kept slowing, finally pulled over , engine locked up solid!
towed to an empty lot , left it there for around a month , went back, someone said (OH that one went to crusher)!
in fact i'm dealin now with my XJS , i have a relay that keeps getting hot , even when parked over night, battery goes down some!
seems in my time of restore , i custom wired it to be activated all the time,(have no idea WHY??), i had to remove Neg cable when it was stored, that gets old quick.
my car has a lot of non factory wiring, so Amazon sending a hi amperage RELAY , and i gotta figure what the hell it supposed to activate??
remember that was 25 yrs ago, when i could actually remember ****?
Bet you all can't top this one...
I was cleaning and polishing under the hood, checking fluids, nothing special but just having a bonding experience with my XJS. One of the things I did which didn't really need to be done was to add windshield washing fluid. Trouble is... I added it to the brake master cylinder reservoir by mistake! In defense of my ignorance, though, I had recently bought the car, the master cylinder reservoir looked just like the windshield washer reservoir on my previous car (a BMW 328) and was in the same location, and there were no stickers on my XJS master cylinder reservoir.
About 4 hours after I added the windshield washing fluid, I was reading the manual and discovered my mistake. Of course my dumb mistake necessitated a complete drain and replacement of the brake fluid, some colorful additions to my vocabulary, and the purchase of decals/stickers for my master cylinder. But oh Lordy, did I feel stupid.
While replacing injector rubber hoses on my HE V12, I was confident that I was doing a great job of cutting the hose and the end caps . So confident that I ruined the injector rail and several injectors by cutting too deep. I was much more careful on the replacement fuel rail that I bought.
Now if this was blunders of a lifetime I would have many. Like bringing down Commonwealth Banks entire Australia wide systems 9am Monday morning. OUCH.
But with XJS stuff I installed thermo fans and took the car for a drive in 40degC heat well we got to the first set of traffic lights and she started to overheat and spit coolant everywhere, some idiot (me) forgot to put the fuses in for the fans.
If you can fix an XJS then you can Defrost a Fridge (or erm.......maybe not)
So while the GF was out volunteering I thought I would give her a nice surprise and defrost the Fridge in our utility room
As I couldn't find the defrost button, I thought that doing it redneck style might be a little bit quicker but I'm not that great with fridges as you can see
The XJS confession thread
), well, as I'm waiting I could see my work bench at the back of the garage come in to sight all lit up bright with my led lighting in there.... sat on the bench was one of the air filter/covers smiling away at me.... whoops, no wonder it was throaty!
