Wife drove the car fine last night and left the key in the console. This morning the car will not start. We had the little lights blinking in the headlights and after messing with it, the hazards button is blinking.
I'm assuming we triggered the alarm or something? We have only one key and it's stuck in the console...

Any thoughts?

 

Battery is dead.

 

So the top is down. Will I have to manually raise it to get to the battery? Is it possible to jump start the car somehow with the top down?

 

Of course it is! There is a positive terminal inside the drivers side wheel well. There are instructions on how to hook it up in the manual. Don't jump it using another car, use a battery box.

I don't have a vert so I don't know if it can be raised manually. someone else will probably respond....

 

also, what do you mean by the key is "stuck in the console" ??

 

With the battery flat, the motorized key dock release is non-functional.

EDIT: likely your battery is done and a replacement is required. You might be able to charge it to last long enough to drive it to the nearest supplier.

 

yea when I had the Christmas tree light show I charged it up and it lasted one day...

I was wondering why the OP had the key in the dock in the first place...

 

The dock’s used when the fob battery’s gone flat. Likely they thought there was an issue with that the night before but instead it was the main battery.

 

It’s actually ‘just aft’ of the right rear wheel well.
Yes, the top can be raised manually, but shouldn’t need to, as the car can be jumped via the external positive post and a body ground point.

 

I use the exhaust pipe as a place to clip the negative clamp.
And I'm sure this is wrong in some way, but I've jumped my car the old-school way a few times, from other cars. Seems to work fine.

 

Thank you to everyone (Likes added)!

The issue did in fact turn out to be a drained battery. A quick jump revived it and it's been started several times since and is working fine. In case a new battery is needed, I have located one locally and can grab it on the way home today.
I have never owned a Jaguar before and have not observed this "odd" dead battery behavior. A low battery message would have made sense over random blinking lights... The part that scared me was the fact that the top was down and the battery is inconveniently located in the back of the trunk.

On a side note, the top closed right up but the 1/4 windows stayed down. A full cycle of down and up and the windows came back. The info screen also kept complaining about pressing brake and releasing... I had to turn on and off the hand brake switch...

I'm off to search for a battery tender...

 

Good batteries don’t fail like that. You need to have a proper test done. You can also check the date code on the battery, if it’s 3 years or older, it’s likely the battery. Just because a charge has it working now is no indication this won’t happen again. There’s also the chance your charging system has an issue. While the maintainer’s a good idea if it not driven much, it’s not the solution.

 

all normal. your car is prompting you to finish some of the re-learning procedures before you use it. i don't know offhand how much of the procedures for the post-facelift cars match your 2008 but here they are from my copy of one of the 5.0 manuals. you've just told it the extents of the windows, which i believe you're supposed to do after closing the top. as long as they jump up and down to meet the seal when you close/open the door, that should be good. you've suggested to it how thick your rear pads are, thus how hard to apply the e-brake. the ECM will relearn idle values and your driving style over time, but it can be trained before ever moving the car.